Far Above Rubies

Don’t Waste Your Pain

Infertility brings a wide array of emotions. Loss, loneliness, stress, anger, despair , and constantly “on hold” are all words that Matt and I have felt over the past 15 months.  I think (in the last few months especially) that we have learned to worship God even though our hearts were breaking.  We are trying to desire God more than our desire to have a baby.  We try and pray bold prayers believing that God does wondrous miracles, and that we could very well be one of them.  2^nd Corinthians 6:10 says, “Our hearts ache, but we always have joy.  We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.”   When I read that, it gave me a new motto to follow.  Our hearts are broken, but we are trying to find joy in the journey.  What about your heart? Is it broken? Can you find JOY in the journey, despite that pain?

Back in July was our first appointment with our specialist, almost 3 months post miscarriage.  We went over things for almost an hour when she looked up and said, “Give me 18 months to get you pregnant.”  I wish I could tell you that I said something sweet and admirable.  Jaw on the floor, I’m looking at her and I said, “Nope.”  18 months? I thought she was supposed to be one of the top specialists in the country?! What in the world is going to take her 18 months?  In the end, my mom and Matt talked me off the cliff, and we decided on a course of action for getting my body right.  Through this journey, I have learned that God is good in all things.  I believe that God is sovereign over our infertility.  I believe that He was sovereign when we were losing our baby.  I know he heard our prayers sobbing, crying out to Him for mercy and a miracle when the bleeding and horrific cramping started.  It was not a surprise to God when it happened, and ultimately he used our loss for His good.

So, since we are on this road for however long it takes, I don’t want to be “wasting my pain.”  I need to remember that other women and couples out there might be able to hear my story and gather strength or hope from it. What are you going through in life?  Can you use it to bring hope or encouragement to people?  Have you privately gone through something that someone could hear about and change/learn/grow from? I’m not saying you have to start a blog and potentially let the world hear your heart and experiences.  All I’m saying is to be open to the possibility that someone in your life could be experiencing the kind of pain you once were and that your painful experience could be used to benefit someone else in the process.  Sharing your story and how you got through it could bring someone a renewed sense of hope and encouragement.

Therefore, instead of saying things like “What did I do to deserve this pain?” (Boy, am I guilty of saying irrational things like this in the middle of a meltdown) Let’s try saying, “what good is God going to bring though this?” Romans 8:28 tells us that "…all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." The next verse tells us what that purpose is. God intends for us to be conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29) … So we know from scripture that the trial we are facing can help us to be more like Christ.

There’s no doubt that growing is painful sometimes. As I reflect on the past 12 months, 2013 has been an interesting year.  One of great joys, and great sorrows.  It wasn't my favorite year, that’s for sure! HOWEVER, I wouldn't change it, because I know the Lord is doing a mighty work in our lives, and I want to be where HE wants me. I pray that in 2014, God would give us what we ache for: a growing family.  I don’t know what that looks like…. Maybe our babies are already out there, and we will adopt. One thing I’m really going to work on is to not be swayed by my own desires.  I want to be firmly planted in what God wants for us.  The only way I can truly know that is if I go to Him; daily….constantly.  In the meantime, I’m going to take a look at my life and be thankful for everything that God has blessed us with.  We both have our health,  great jobs, a beautiful, cozy home, an amazing church, wonderful friends and family, a NEW puppy… the list goes on. 

Shameless plug: How amazingly cute is this little guy?  Teddy is 8 weeks old and we are SO in love with our little furball.  Funny how much joy a pet can bring into a home so quickly.  As we all know… we can’t wait to fill our home with little humans!!

Wishing you an amazing, fun filled SAFE New Year's Eve! Talk to you in 2014!

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”


 “We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.” –Author Unknown.