Far Above Rubies

All of us at one point or another might be dealt certain cards in life that are extremely difficult, heartbreaking, and forever life changing.  For us, the last 18 months or so has been infertility.  In fact, we are one our 3rd doctor (2nd specialist)... a couple weeks ago she told us she has only seen a handful of cases as bad as mine. AWESOME! Anyways, for whatever reason this is our life right now... For others, it's the loss of loved ones, for some it's cancer.... 

I asked a sweet woman,  Brynn Rasmussen to be a guest blogger, because she has quite the story of experiencing loss and hope as she deals with some major health issues.  You might have seen her on the news a couple months back.  Read her inspiring story below. Thank you Brynn for bravely continuing to share your story!

"Change can be scary, but you know what's scarier? Allowing Fear to stop you from Growing, Evolving, & Progressing." -Mandy Hale

I wanted to start this post with one quote I hold dear to my heart & try to live by each day. I found this quote & thought it was perfect for what I was dealing with just then. On Nov 12th 2013, I underwent a double mastectomy due to my 97.5% chance of getting breast cancer. My mom, as well as my twin sister & I, are carriers of the BRCA2 gene, a genetic mutation that highly increases a woman's risk of developing both breast & ovarian cancer. My mom had breast cancer at age 35 & is currently a 19-year survivor. (Go Mom!) With being a nurse, I worked with a lot of doctors so once I found out I tested positive for the BRCA2 gene, I'd ask oncologists & different internal medicine doctors what they'd recommend. The look some of them gave me on their face was often complete fear, especially after they asked how old my mom was when she was first diagnosed. I knew I was at high risk for not only getting breast cancer, but getting it at a young age. For this reason, I thought long & hard about undergoing a double mastectomy. The one & only thing that was holding me back was I wanted to breast feed if I was ever able to have children. I was very passionate about this. I went to my OBGYN & I remember her telling me "if this is the only thing that's holding you back from having a double mastectomy, then I think you should do it now, as you seem ready to do it." She said if you take 2 babies - 1 breast fed & 1 not - there's not enough evidence that 1 baby will turn out healthier than the other. Plus, she said "what if you're not able to have kids? What if you have a child & don't produce enough milk?" Bottom line: my health was more important than wanting to breast feed. Right after I talked to her, I scheduled an appointment with both my breast surgeon & plastic surgeon. I was ready to do it with no regrets & finally have that peace of mind. A week after my surgery on November 18th, I received a (random) call from my breast surgeon. I was home alone, in quite a bit of pain, resting on the couch. She said "Brynn-are you sitting down? I have something to tell you. Your pathology report from the breast tissue we took during surgery revealed a 4mm size tumor in your left breast." I was dumbfounded. What? I have breast cancer? I thought I was doing this PREVENTATIVE. I was in complete shock for about 2 weeks. It felt weird to even TELL people I had breast cancer. I kept thinking..why me? What did I do to deserve this at 27 years old? Did I do something wrong? I thought I was healthy - I ate right, exercised, maintained a healthy weight, didn't smoke or drink excessively. My job is very stressful - which I knew stress wasn't good for my body. To make a long story short, we get dealt these cards in life & not sure why God chooses us to go through such horrible experiences - whether it's infertility, cancer, miscarriage - whatever it is! I now am undergoing 4 rounds of chemotherapy, which puts me at an increased risk for never bearing a child. Obviously my health takes priority but I've always wanted to be a mother. I try to look at the positive though and realize I'm alive & they caught it early, which is key to beating this terrible disease. Right now, I have no hair, which I lost from chemo and I have these super uncomfortable expanders in to help stretch the skin on my chest in order to prepare them for my silicone implants I'll get on March 26th. I'm looking forward to that & my hair growing back - that's for sure. There's definitely days where I don't want to show my face because I don't feel "pretty" having no boobs, no hair, I'm weak & tired. But the most important thing I've learned through all of this, is the power of positive thinking, as well as the power of relationships & support from family & friends. My attitude always determined what kind of day I would have & I wasn't going to let the side effects of chemo, or the fact that I had no boobs & no hair, stop me from living the life I wanted to live. So to all the beautiful women reading this, you are NOT ALONE in this journey of challenge & misunderstanding. Always, always stay positive & never give up hope. And most importantly, never allow fear to stop you from growing, evolving, & progressing.

Much love, Brynn Rasmussen